Songs

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Living in the Psalms

For about a year now, the Lord has had me camped out in The Psalms. Whatever is in my heart that my mind and mouth are struggling to express, I have found there is a Psalm for that. I’ve also been listening to many ”Psalm songs” and this one is possibly my favorite. It expresses much more what’s in my heart than 1000’s of words ever could:

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Say It With A Song

Dear Friends – wow, has this year flown by!  My silence has not been for lack of things to say.  In contrast, there has been so much to say, I’ve struggled to know where to start.  If I even try to begin, it will be days before I post this, if ever.  So I’m just posting this video song, which pretty much sums it up:

What an amazing time to be alive!

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Perspective Continued…

To all my believing family in the U.S. who are trying to navigate their way through all the fear-driven insanity, I offer two things to encourage you:

Isaiah 26:
3 You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
4 Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

 

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No Matter What!

I haven’t written much in quite a while.  At times, I’ve not had anything to write about.  At other times, what I did have to say was too overwhelming to try to put into words.  But lately, there is something I feel the Lord has been impressing on me, and I hope I can communicate it in an understandable and not too long-winded way.

This reflection was born out of a time of prayer and meditation on various events and struggles in the lives of people I know.  One of the main ones began a year ago, when a series of truly providential circumstances (too long to recount) led me to read a book called, Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus.  I was riveted to this true story of a young man and his journey of faith from Islam to Christianity.  I literally could not put it down and finished reading it in two days.  Afterwards, I felt strangely led to go to his website.  It was there I learned that the author, Nabeel Qureshi, a then 33 year-old new father, had just been diagnosed with Stage IV stomach cancer.  I joined literally thousands over the next year who followed his video blog updates and prayed for his healing.  So many people praying with so much faith, including him.  But still, he passed away in September.  He even declared many times that Jesus was able to raise him from the dead, and his wife delayed his burial for 7 days, in continued prayer.  All this from a man with a conservative Christian background, as well as a medical degree and three theology degrees.  The whole story of his life, timing of his diagnosis, etc. is unbelievably poignant and way too much to share here.  But it is truly so inspirational – he lived and died amazingly well and his legacy will live on.  If you have interest, I encourage you to read his book(s) and visit his Facebook page (where his widow continues to post updates).

This past year of following his journey and intensely praying for his healing has not shaken my faith, despite the outcome and great loss to his family and future ministry.  But it has certainly left me with probably the biggest, “Why Lord?” I’ve ever had.  There is so much I cannot understand looking at it from a finite “here and now” perspective.

I also think of a faithful Christian acquaintance just a little older than me.  A mother of nine children, grandmother of twelve, beloved wife and loved by many others.  Her husband is even a minister.  Most people would describe her as one of the sweetest, most sacrificial people they know.  Last year, she was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer in her tongue (and no, she didn’t smoke).  What followed were medical procedures and intense suffering too horrible to even describe, all which failed to save her life – she died ten months later, last December.  When I think of the horrendous physical pain she endured, and the early end to a faithful life, leaving so many heartbroken loved ones behind, it leaves me with another, “Why Lord?”

I think about and pray daily for the sufferings of our Christian brothers and sisters around the world who are enduring persecution for their faith.  They live in countries too numerous to list.  In fact, the majority of those who are following Jesus in this world are living under great difficulties and persecutions (after all, He told us if we followed Him, we would).  I read their stories and I am humbled beyond words and moved to tears.  The only daily hope they live with is looking forward to the New Heaven and New Earth.

I think about Jesus, when He hung on the cross and cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  Surely Jesus, of all people, had His theology straight.  He knew exactly why He’d come, why He was dying and that He would rise again three days later.  Not only that, but certainly He had the most intimate relationship with God, His own Father, than any other who walked the face of this earth.  He knew all the truth (yea, He IS the Truth), and yet in that dark moment, it felt to Him that God, His Father, had abandoned Him.  I find it interesting that in Hebrews 5:8 we are told, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son, He learned obedience from the things he suffered.”  If Jesus, the One who was without sin, had to learn obedience through suffering, why would it be any different for us?

Recently, my spiritual twin brother has been on a very intense journey with God.  I will not share his personal details, but suffice it to say he is in the midst of following some steps of radical obedience, the likes of which few people would ever consider.  He’s basically stepped off a cliff with no safety net, and not even a real understanding of the “why” behind the things God is calling him to do.  It’s truly one of the most sacrificially painful examples of “walking by faith and not sight” that I’ve ever witnessed.  He has no guarantees that things will come to a happy conclusion – he’s just being obedient.

Certainly we have examples of “happy endings” in the Bible.  Abraham was spared from having to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice.  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were saved from the flames of the furnace unharmed.  And then there is Job, arguably the greatest sufferer of all time, next to Jesus.  After he endured the loss of almost everything but his life, we are told, “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.” (Job 42:12)

But lest we get too comfortable with these examples, what about the apostles, who history tells us all but one died a martyr’s death?  Or many of the Old Testament prophets, such as Jeremiah.  God chose Him as a prophet “before he was born.” (Jeremiah 1:5)  He was never allowed to marry or have a family.  He prophesied for nearly 40 years to a people who totally rejected his message.  Several attempts were made to kill him.  He saw the fall and captivity of his beloved nation because they would not listen to him.  And in the end, he was forced to travel with the small remnant who were disobeying his warnings not to go to Egypt.  Jewish historical tradition says he was later stoned by his own people there.  He was not nicknamed “The Weeping Prophet” for nothing!

Which brings me to the point of all these mentionings.  We’re told all throughout the New Testament that trials and suffering are a part of the Christian walk.  Not only that, but these trials actually serve a purpose – to strengthen, refine and purify our faith.  What that looks like is different for each person.  But I’ve long believed for the church in the last days the times will be very dark, and it will often look and feel like we’ve been abandoned.  What will we do in those times?  Jesus said, “When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8)  Will we be hanging on and walking by faith, despite what we see or feel in the circumstances that surround us?  If we are not “rooted and grounded in love” (Eph 3:17), then the pain and suffering we don’t understand can cause offense against God to rise in our hearts, and even the eventual abandonment of our faith.

What will we do when there seems to be no end to the darkness or pain in our life?  What will we do when there is no happy ending to the story on this side?  Jesus said, “Blessed is he who does not take offense at me.” (Luke 7:23)  He made that statement in a message sent to John the Baptist, when John had sent some of his disciples to Jesus to ask if He was the Messiah, or should they expect someone else.  John had been imprisoned for his faithful witness, and shortly after receiving this answer from Jesus, he was beheaded.

The purpose of our time spent on this earth is not for God to make us happy, it is for Him to make us HOLY.  “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)  I’m continuing to see more and more “faith shaking” events happening in the lives of so many people.  And yet the Bible tells us that in the last days, God will “remove what can be shaken, so that only what cannot be shaken will remain.” (Hebrews 12:27)  What is it that will remain?  “Now these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love…” (1 Corinthians 13:13)  So once again I will repeat, but rephrase Jesus’ question just a little differently:

When the Son of Man returns, will He find faith IN YOU?

Here is a song that I’ve posted before, but I think it is a fitting finish to remind us of what we are called to do in this life, NO MATTER WHAT!

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Quito Is Neato! – Part 2

This blog post picks up where my last one left off…

DAY 3:  This was the day of the engagement party and since it was an outside venue, based on the previous two days’ weather, we were obviously concerned it would be a wet, cold, muddy mess.  But thankfully the light drizzle ended about mid-morning, and by the time of the party (1:30 p.m.), the sun was out and everything was dry and pleasant.  I spent the morning resting, catching up on emails and enjoying some leisure time at my bed & breakfast.  My taxi driver picked me up and took me the short distance to the home where the party was being held.  Maria had been telling me about all the planning and work that had gone into it, so I knew it would be quite the event.

Richie and Camille actually have a rather unique love story – it began in second grade!  Their families were both living in Minnesota, and Richie had a huge crush on a little blond girl in his class.  Richie’s family knew all about Camille because in his words, “All my memories of my second grade experience were related to my interactions with her.”  In contrast, Camille barely took notice of Richie.  When he was in fourth grade, Richie’s family moved to Georgia and that was the end of prospects for the romance, or so everyone thought.  But in tenth grade, Richie discovered Facebook and found Camille on it.  He messaged her and asked if she remembered him from second grade.  She had absolutely no recollection of him and in her words, wondered if he was one of those “creepy internet guys her grandmother had warned her about.”  But Richie told her to check her yearbook and was able to convince Camille he really was her classmate.  He also told her about a note he’d written to her back then, telling her he liked her.  One thing led to another and their chatting turned into a romance.  They went through the rest of high school and college living in their respective states and visiting occasionally.  It was a long distance relationship for 5.5 years!  Finally, Camille entered graduate school in Alabama and they were within driving distance of each other (2.5 hours).  Then Richie graduated and moved to Alabama and they were together in the same town for the first time, but it was short lived – he was offered a job back in Minnesota!  Camille finally graduated with her masters degree and immediately returned to Minnesota.  So after 8 long years of mostly long distance dating, they are finally engaged and planning a life together.  Oh yes, and that note Richie told Camille he wrote to her?  Some time later her mother found it in a scrapbook of her school papers!

Scrumptious lunch

Scrumptious lunch – there was nothing left on my plate!

After Maria and Ivan welcomed the guests, Richie told their story for the crowd of around 200 – in Spanish.  All the while, we were served lots of appetizers and then a huge lunch of typical Ecuadorian fare.  As lunch was being served, Richie, who is quite the singer, regaled us with some Frank Sinatra tunes.  Below is a short video of one of them:

After lunch, a duet of singers took the floor and sang a variety of songs, including what was obviously Latin American oldies.  As I’ve said before, Latin Americans love to dance!  Here is a clip of the happy dance crowd:

Maria’s aunt was “leaving early” and graciously offered to drive me back to my bed & breakfast.  At that point I’d been at the party 4.5 hours, but when I left it was still going strong!

DAY 4:  There had been some discussion of trying to go back and visit Cotacochi and Cuicocha this day, but in the end the decision was made to tour Quito.  Richie and Camille, along with the other cousins, were all flying home late that night, so it seemed best not to attempt the 5 hour round trip drive again.  After a leisurely breakfast time, they picked me up and I checked out of Casa Magnolia.  I had booked another Airbnb more in the heart of Quito for my last few nights on my own.

We started our tour at TelefériQo, which is a cable gondola ride up Pichincha volcano.   Here you go from over 10,000 feet to nearly 13,500 feet in about 20 minutes.  We were told to drink lots of water and eat sugar to combat the possibility of altitude issues.  It is something to take seriously – a girl from another group fainted while we were waiting in line to board the ride!  I hate it when I’m prescribed to eat sugar. 😉

Maria stayed behind with her aunt and cousin, because she’d been up there before.  Ivan, Richie, Camille, Nick and I rode up together, and Maria shot this video of our ascent:

Once up top, it was much cooler and there was a definite change in the flora and fauna.  The view of Quito was spectacular:

While up there, we ran into a man playing indigenous music.  I was thrilled to see him, because some time ago I had heard him, along with another man, playing at the cruise ship tents in Manta.  I almost bought one of their CDs then, but didn’t, and I’d regretted it ever since.  The man had several instruments for sale, and Ivan ended up buying the man’s most prized one.  He told us the story about how the instrument was recently made from a long ago cut and dried piece of bamboo, and then played one final tune on it for us, before relinquishing it (for a sizable amount of cash) to Ivan:

Afterwards, we headed to the historic area of Quito.  Here we visited Plaza Grande, which is the main park/square at the heart of the city.  A busy area any day of the week, but even more so on Sunday, the Presidential Palace sits on one side of the square.  I marveled at the fact that one could walk or drive on the street literally right in front of it – a far cry from the White House!

Not far off the square, we visited La Compañia de Jesus.  This church was begun in 1605 and took 160 years to complete.  Easily the most ornate church in Ecuador, the entire inside is covered in gold leaf!  Photos were not allowed inside, but I did get a picture of one of the entrance doors with a peek (see Wikipedia link for inside photos).

From there, we headed for a lovely lunch spot right off the square, where we indulged in various traditional Ecuadorian foods.  I enjoyed “Locro de Papa,” which is a cheesy potato soup with onions, garlic and cilantro and served with sliced avocado.  This dish is popular in the Andes area, but not the coastal area where I live.  I loved it!

Following lunch, we made our way up to another lookout spot called El Panecillo.  Here, there is a statue of “La Virgen de Quito,” which is actually based on Revelation 12:1-6 and 12:13-16.  She wears a crown of twelve stars, has wings and is standing on a chained dragon atop of the world.  A placard reads, “The body of the Virgin Mary over the devil and the world as a sign of good conquering evil.”  You can climb up inside the statue, where there is a museum showing pictures of its construction, as well as some miniature replicas of many of the churches in the city.

Ivan learning the right technique to play his new instrument

Ivan learning the right technique to play his new instrument

Our biggest surprise there was finding the second of the indigenous musician duo.  It turns out that this man was the son of the other one and the maker of the instrument Ivan bought!  Here is a picture of him instructing Ivan on how to play his new instrument.

After all of this touring, we stopped off to see Ivan’s brother and enjoy a beverage at the coffee shop he owns.  Then they dropped me off at my new Airbnb, and we all bid each other goodbye until their next visit to Ecuador.

Stay tuned for Part 3, and the rest of my exploration of Quito, including “The Middle of the World”…

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Twice Blessed

Thank you to all those who commented here or sent emails expressing sympathy at the passing of my birthfather.  In some ways, this has been even more difficult than when my adoptive father passed away in 2005.

Although I loved my adoptive father, sadly he was from a very unhealthy family, and was an alcoholic who battled many demons.   Although I have some very warm memories of him in my younger years, as I grew older, his inability to relate in any healthy way left a big void in my life.  This brought predictable consequences in many ways.  Eventually, as an adult, I sought my own healing and was able to feel compassion towards my father and the brokenness of his life.  I loved him, but due to the circumstances, was never able to have anything more than a superficial relationship with him.  Although I know in his own way, and to the best of his ability, my father loved me, not once in my life did he ever tell me so.  I was sad and grieved when he died, but what I mourned most was the loss of not ever having a real relationship with him.

In contrast, I first met my birthfather 21 years ago this month.  The first time he flew my husband and me to Denver (not where he lived) to meet him, we had never even spoken or corresponded.  Everything had been arranged and communicated through my birthmother.  After we arrived at the hotel, he called the room to see if I was ready to come meet him.  In my mind, I was meeting a total stranger and expected to shake his hand and say, “Nice to meet you.”  But surprisingly, as soon as I saw him, my heart said, “Daddy!” and I gave him a big hug.  And not long into getting to know him, I came to realize that the emotional and demonstrative side of me, that didn’t quite fit with my adoptive parents’ personalities, found its home in him.

Although I can count on one hand the number of times we met in person these past 21 years, those episodes are burned into my memory.  In addition, we had countless phone and internet conversations on a regular, sometimes weekly basis.  He always sent beautiful birthday and Christmas cards.  My birthfather was generous with praise and affection for me, two things I never received from my adoptive father.  Obviously, due to his family circumstances, our relationship was less than ideal, but I am still so grateful for the time that I was able to spend knowing him, learning about his life, and discovering some of my personality traits that came from him.

On one of the first visits with him, he took me to my first performance of “The Phantom of the Opera.”  (I’ve since come to love this musical, not only for its haunting melodies, but it’s deep, spiritual symbolism.)  Sometime later, he sent me a “Phantom” musical snow globe as a gift, and we both felt the song, “Think Of Me,” was a poignant reflection of our relationship.  I remember after one visit with him, coming home and listening to it over and over.  Below is a rendition with the lyrics (and even more ironic, my birthmother once told me she thought of naming me Christina!)

As hard as it is to lose another parent, I count myself very fortunate.  For although I’ve always considered the ones who raised me to be my “real” parents, I’ve been doubly blessed to have been given, as my birthmother affectionately calls it, “A pair and a spare.”  The fact that I’ve suffered more loss, just means I’ve had more love in my life – and for that I am truly grateful.

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I Know That I Know That I Know

I’ve been pretty busy lately.  But yesterday afternoon, the full day of plans I’d made with friends for today was cancelled, and I found myself with a blank slate.  Before going to bed last night, I checked the tide chart to see that low tide would correspond with a long overdue morning beach walk.  When I awoke, we had our gray clouds that are typical this time of year, with an ever so slight mist.  At the last minute, I decided maybe a windbreaker jacket was in order, so I put that on over my t-shirt and workout pants and headed out, determined to enjoy my nature walk.

But about halfway into my excursion and praise music, I began getting a solid spitting rain on my face.  I looked up to realize that a fog had moved in and now almost totally blocked my view of the mountains ahead and beside me.  Suddenly all the familiar scenery disappeared, and I was left with only what was in my most immediate vicinity.

Just about that time a song began playing, and I quickly sensed a spiritual correlation to what I was experiencing.  I realized that just as the fog had suddenly moved in and obscured what was all around me, there is currently a fog of chaos and confusion rapidly descending on the world all around us.  More and more people are beginning to recognize that the “signs of the times” are hurling us towards the end of this age.  Although it was prophesied in the Bible that these things would continue to escalate, in the midst of them, it is easy to lose sight of what was once so familiar to us.  But despite the troubled and uncertain times we are living in, we need to keep this one truth always anchored in our hearts and minds…

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What If…?

This morning on my beach walk, a song came on my iPod that always causes me to pause and reflect when I hear it.  The first time I heard it was nearly five years ago, while in the periodontist’s chair having my first round of surgical root & bone scraping done (yuck!).  I had forgotten my iPod, and the assistant graciously loaned me hers, to listen to music as a distraction during the procedure.  I was pleasantly surprised to find her playlist was one of Christian music, and while I was doing my best to zone out, a song came on that spoke perfectly into my life at that moment.

It was just a few weeks after my husband had left, and I was in the throws of my mom’s spiraling health issues and ongoing hospital/rehab stays.  It was easily one of the most “crucible” times I had walked through in my life.  However, it wasn’t my only difficult season – there have been many other great and small ones.  And even as I was enduring that one, I knew the principles recited in the lyrics of this song to be tested and true in my life.  I had found that it was not in spite of, but because of the hardest times in my life, that I had come to know God in a deep and intimate way.  The moments when I was at my wit’s end, had nowhere else to turn, felt totally alone and was in the deepest emotional pain, were the times when God showed up in unimaginable ways.  With each “trial,” I grew to know God more and more, and I came out of it with new lessons and stronger faith to help see me through other hardships.   I can remember numerous occasions curled up in a ball, with my eyes gushing tears, when God met me in those places in such real and personal ways.  And even as I walked through that current time of daily difficulties piled one on top of the other, I knew that God would “never leave me or forsake me,” and that on the other side, there would be profound “fruit” in my life (as was later confirmed in a powerful prophecy).  So as I listened again this morning to Laura Story’s song “Blessings,” I could almost see a movie of memories flood my mind.  The song asks many questions, but most importantly, “What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?”  I can certainly look back over many places of hardship and loss (from my early 20’s on) and see the cumulative truth of this, evidenced in my life.

Below is a YouTube rendition of the song with lyrics.  I hope it blesses you and that you too can come through your trials knowing that God can “work all things for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment.” ~Romans 5:3-5a

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” ~James 1:2-4

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as His children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?…No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” ~Hebrews 12:7 & 11

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Never Alone

As I said in my last post, realizations about my recent earthquake experience keep coming in waves.  Last night was honestly my first opportunity for some quiet, reflective and meaningful conversation with God about it.  As I sat in Charcoal’s window, looking at the ocean and listening to the waves, I spoke with God about many things.  And one thing I once again marveled at, was the recollection of total peace I had that night, and that I never felt I was alone.  Then a song that my dear friend Dana shared with me early on in my Ecuador journey came flooding back.  It was just so appropriate, I had to share it again here.

In all honesty, I have to tell you that one of my extremely accurate prophetic friends, who has had a profound impact on my life, has been sharing with me some things she’s seen over the past year that indicate this is not the last “trial” I will go through here, but merely a preparation for something else to come.   The thing she admonishes me with, each time she gets another layer of revelation, is that when the time comes, I should not fear because I will not be alone.

I am so appreciative that when the earthquake happened, so many people (including several I hadn’t heard from in a while) reached out to find out if I was OK.  But I want you to know, that if something ever happens again and you don’t get a response, the answer is still “Yes – I’m OK.”  No matter what happens to me, please always know that even if I’m alone, I am never truly alone. 🙂

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me.  (Psalm 23:4)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  (Isaiah 43:2)