Thank you to all of you who have offered condolence remarks here and via text message and email regarding the passing of my friend, Robert. This is the fifth major loss I have suffered in my lifetime and I know that the way to deal with grief is not to back away, try to go around or ignore it, but to work through it – it is only in so doing, you will find peace on the other side. I am no stranger to pain and am not afraid of it – I have actually learned there is much less suffering in embracing and working through the pain, than in trying to avoid it. (It is interesting that the Hebrew origin of my name is Marah, which is sometimes translated “bitter tears.”) Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This has been a well tested and proven verse in my life and certainly continues to be true for me now.
Those who know me know that whatever I do, I do it wholeheartedly. This was true for my role in Robert’s life as well. What transpired in my time with him certainly involved the giving of my whole heart, possibly on a deeper level than I have ever known before – because I honestly believe that God allowed me to feel a portion of HIS heart for Robert and truly our God loves on a level that we, in our own human capacity, cannot comprehend.
I have started my writing of the “Robert Story,” but it will obviously take me some time to complete it. However, below is another song that is very meaningful to me at this time. It has been in my “play repertoire” for awhile and has had a role in other seasons of my life. But it has a particular place at this time. Even several weeks ago, as it came up during my morning praise time on a way too frequent basis (in my random play list of over 100 songs), I almost became angry at the foreshadowing it implied. But now, it is a great comfort to listen to, for it truly expresses my heart towards God at this time: